I always hated math anyway.

I swore I wouldn’t do it. I have succumbed to one of my inner demons. It is one I have defeated many times in the past but now find myself wrestling with once again. Is it drinking? Online shopping? Binge eating? No, none of the above.

I am counting.

I know, it doesn’t sound so bad, but it is utterly distracting. If I was going to self-diagnose this problem I would say it represented a need to gain a feeling of control about my life.  The underlying theory is if I can quantify it then I can control it. Unfortunately, it is hard to quantify everything, and impossible to control almost anything.

I just bought a new Fitbit.

I feel myself slowly succumbing to math mania. I am fighting against the encompassing desire to put a number on everything. Today alone, I have resisted the urge to quantify on 30 separate occasions. I have done it four times while my cat was watching me, ten times while standing in the kitchen and twice right here at this keyboard.

The compulsion starts slowly.

My Fitbit tells me how many steps I’ve taken each day and urges me on with messages and tiny little light celebrations while I strive to meet my goals.

No big deal really. It shouldn’t be hard to get up and move every hour and I’m sure it is good for me to avoid melding entirely into my desk chair.

And if I have to wake up earlier to get outside to exercise before the “hot enough to fry an egg on the sidewalk” midday heat, that is not such a bad thing.

And if I start counting calories a little more carefully, surely that can only be beneficial. How could there be anything negative in the frantic yet increasingly necessary activity of looking up calorie counts of all the foods I  eat on a daily basis? Yesterday I wandered the house for 350 steps trying to remember what I ate that consisted of 150 calories in the afternoon.

Going out for a meal has taken on nightmare qualities because I am unable to find exact calorie counts on the restaurant offerings.

I have to guess! I can’t properly quantify!

And if my calorie count is already ruined for the day, why not eat some cake or ice cream or chips? If the numbers battle is already lost I might as well enjoy the Bundt cake of defeat.

And the step counter?

Well I’ve discovered it is easy enough to take off on days when couch sitting is the main activity.

I always hated math anyway.

And why should it matter if I spent 120 minutes writing these 470 words? I would edit some more, but the tiny lights dancing on my Fitbit are telling me it is time to take another walk.



2 thoughts on “I always hated math anyway.

  1. Try the free Lose It! App. They have a huge database of nutrition counts, and you can scan in a barcode for any food you buy in a package. It’s very cool! I have stopped obsessing about the steps – I already know the step goals only happen on days when I am working AND I walk the dog twice. Now I am obsessed with the sleep count: How many minutes of deep sleep? REM sleep? How much time awake? Much more entertaining!

  2. Wow! The sleep count would be the worst for me! My inability to sleep would only be enhanced by my quantified
    knowledge of my inability to sleep! Do you dream in numbers?
    The Lose It! App sounds cool. I will check it out…thanks Jane!

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